From WTF to a redefinition of family
J. Steven Osborne recovers from the shock of his life to embrace what he's always known
Welcome to WMD! I am a writer living in Toronto, Canada and in 2018 I “came out of the fog” as they say in the adoptee world, and realized that being a step adoptee had shaped my identity in a huge and ineffable way. I say “ineffable” because it’s hard to articulate how learning about one’s origins changes a person in the here and now. I’ve written a lot about this (click on About for more on my story and writing) and I think this ineffability is what drives me to seek out others’ experiences of not knowing their genetic father. I’m interested in talking with anyone who has discovered information about a previously unknown parent (or even met them!) as an adult. I’m especially interested in providing a welcoming space for other step adoptees. I believe sharing our stories fosters compassion and understanding and makes each of us feel less alone.
Hello friends and happy 2026! (May this year be better than the last.)
I took time off to do a bunch of travelling but I’m back to bring you an amazing story. I met up with Steve Osborne to hear about how he discovered received the shock of his life at age 57 when he—you guessed it—opened his DNA test results. Steve is a tech entrepreneur, business consultant, commercial real estate investor, sales trainer, author and speaker. He lives in Cincinnati with his wife of thirty years, Becky. Steve and Becky co-authored the story of Steve’s DNA discovery in the spring of 2025 and that book is called DNA: Did Not Anticipate. You’re in for a treat, because Steve knows how to tell a story. Below is an edited down version of our conversation but to enjoy the full experience of this man’s story-telling, I recommend listening to this one!
Click the play button to hear the full audio of my interview with Steve:
Michèle: Welcome Steve! Let’s start just before you discovered at age 57 that your raising father was not biologically related to you. Tell me what you thought your story was up until that moment.
STEVE: Sure and thank you. I come from a very large blended family. Matter of fact, both sides of my family are blended. My mom had multiple marriages, and so I have multiple siblings there. When my mom and the man who raised me got divorced, he remarried a woman who had eight kids, so from side to side, between half, step, and full, I had fourteen siblings and was living in two households. I went through my entire life believing that Jack Osborne, the man I’m named after, was my biological father.
Michèle: What caused you to start asking questions which ultimately led you to taking a DNA test, and what did you know about your sort of family history or ethnicity leading up to that point?
STEVE: So what got me there was the fact that I am married to a very wonderful woman. My wife, Becky is a part time forensic genealogist. At one point she said she’d like to do my family tree. The back story is that my mom had told us kids that we had some significant amount of Native American lineage. It was so prevalent in her conversations and her stories that we all embraced it. We have moderately dark colored skin and dark coloring and black hair and so it was kind of easy to adopt that story, even though we had no basis for it. So fifty-some-odd years later when my wife said she wants to do my family tree. I said, “have at it.” So she worked on it, literally for years and came to me and said, “Steve, I don’t see anything on here that says Native American.” And then she says the words, “So, hey, why don’t you take a DNA test so that we can look at your genetic makeup?” And that was the only purpose—not to find my ancestors, but to see my genetic makeup.
Michèle: At that point you just wanted to done with the Native American suggestion?
STEVE: Basically, yeah, we wanted to confirm it. I said to Becky, “Of course, what could possibly go wrong?” I took the DNA test, and the results came back that I had a lot of English, some Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Russian, German and absolutely no Native American ethnicity. And so it was one of those, well, I guess Mom was making up that story. But then, well, wait a minute—there’s a first cousin showing and his name was John Watson from Prince Edward Island, Canada. Now, that’s 1500 miles away. All of my cousins are within 100 mile radius of me; we’re all really tight right here in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. There’s no way I’ve got a cousin in Canada. We reach out to John and God bless him, he was kind enough to write back. So Becky and John were trying to figure out how can the two of us possibly be related? He’s not like a cheap sixth cousin or fourth cousin. He’s a first cousin, and that means that one of my parents and one of his parents are siblings. So it was mind boggling, because we couldn’t, we just couldn’t figure it out.
Michèle: Did you at any point think it must be a mistake?
STEVE: Well, of course, that’s the first thing everyone thinks when they get a DNA response result that they don’t understand. Anyone who does the research realizes all of the safeguards that the testing companies put in place, so it wasn’t a mistake, well—at least not on Ancestry’s part.
Michèle: How did that mystery get solved?
STEVE: Well, you know, thank goodness for Becky. She was able to very quickly decide how we would figure it out. We had my biological sister Laura take a DNA test, and however she relates to John Watson, that will rule out all other possibilities. Laura says sure, and I forget about the whole thing. It’s totally off my radar. About six weeks later, we are on vacation. Matter of fact, our vacation is ending and we are about to fly home from Hilton Head. We’re in Savannah sitting on the plane and my phone rings. It’s my sister, Laura and she said, “I got my DNA test back.” I said, “Oh, great!” And she said, “Steven, there’s stuff in here that doesn’t make any sense to me.” I said, “Well, you know, those reports are big and long. I just want to know one thing: how do you relate to John Watson?” And she said, “He doesn’t show up anywhere on my results.” Hearing those words was horrifically painful for me. We had already gone through all the different scenarios, and that scenario only had one answer because we had ruled all others out.
Michèle: You had prepared for and understood that answer, but you were not in any way expecting it.
STEVE: I had always in the back of my mind a box that I didn’t want to open because there was a monster in that box, and that was the possibility of Jack Osborne not being my biological father. It was such a horrific thought, I dismissed it as not possible.
Michèle: Why?
STEVE: My father was the most important relationship I had in my life until I got married and had kids. Jack Osborne is the foundation of everything that is good and positive and wonderful in my life. He showed me on a daily basis what true and unconditional love was. He was just amazing. He was such a normal, blue-collar kind of guy—he wasn’t splitting the atom anywhere—he was a bus driver for Queen City metro Cincinnati. If you’re old enough to remember, my dad was Ralph Kramden from the Honeymooners. I swear to you, that character was taken right from my father.
Michèle: Now I understand why that was painful.
STEVE: Yes, he just meant the world to me. He had passed away in 1999 and so now here I was facing a situation. So back to the phone call. My sister said, “I don’t see John Watson anywhere and I have this other thing I want to ask you about. My test is showing that I have a half-brother. I don’t have a half-brother. This half-brother is identified as J.O.” And I said, “Sis, J.O. is J. Steven Osborne, your half- brother is me.” And she said, “No, that that can’t be. Mom is our mom. My dad is our dad. You’re my full brother.” And I said, “No, Love. What you just told me is that Mom is our mom, but Dad is your dad, and he’s not mine.”
“No, Love. What you just told me is that Mom is our mom, but Dad is your dad, and he’s not mine.”
I learned the most private, most devastating news in one of the most public of places. I’m sitting on an airplane boarding passengers. Becky is sitting on my left and I have the phone up to my left ear so that she can hear the conversation, so she knows in real time what’s going on. She’s got her hand on my leg, and she’s holding my other hand, squeezing it to try to keep me from going into meltdown. At one point I panicked. I decided I was going to get off the plane before we left, because I couldn’t possibly imagine being on the plane for the next few hours. As I stood up the flight attendant said, “ladies and gentlemen, the boarding door is now closed. I need everyone to sit down.” I had to ride it out at 30,000 feet for the next few hours until we could land. We had friends traveling with us who were kind of looking, having no comprehension of what’s going on. All they know is that I was a little bit beyond emotionally distraught. I was fighting back the tears, fighting back the tears, and then at one point I was like, Oh, the hell with it, just let it go.
Michèle: Oh, my goodness. What a scene. What a moment. How soon did you think, I gotta go talk to Mom?
STEVE: Mom and I had been estranged for a while, specifically because of how bad her relationship was with Jack Osborne. They were divorced and it got ugly at times. I did not care for the way she treated Jack. I loved him dearly, and so it really caused a rift between us, at least that’s what I thought was causing the rift between us. I was so different from all of my siblings, I experienced what was called monachopsis, which is a feeling that something is not right, but you can’t discern what it is. You go through your life feeling an undercurrent, just underneath your conscious thoughts. It’s like the din of the road when you’re on the highway, and you just live through it because you can’t solve it. When I was eleven I asked my mom, “Was I adopted?” She said, “No, you weren’t adopted, I had you.” It was the truth, but she knew what I was asking. The problem was I was seeing no genetic mirroring. I’m not like my siblings. I don’t think like them, I don’t look like them, I don’t act like them, and even though we were raised in the exact same house, we don’t necessarily share values or interests. I don’t mean that in a bad way, my siblings are wonderful people; they’re great, they’re smart, they’re incredibly loving. But it was just different, and I knew it. But I have to tell you, I was listening to Sesame Street one day and the song, “One of these things is not like the other” came on, and I literally said out loud, “It’s me.”
So the very next morning after my discovery, I asked Becky, “Beck, can you help me find my biological father?”
Michèle: Of course she can, she’s a forensic genealogist!
STEVE: DNA search angels will tell you that sometimes these searches will go on months or years. Sometimes there’s no resolution. It’s extremely difficult. So that was my expectation. So I went to work Monday and I came home that evening and Becky said, “I got him. I found your father.” She had contacted John and said, “Steve’s biological father is your uncle, Peter.” Then John went through a box of photos. When I saw the photo of Peter Holmes my monachopsis was over. My genetic mirroring issue went away because I literally was staring at a picture that I thought was me. Becky said, “Do you recognize anyone in that picture?” I said, “I think I recognize myself.” She said, “You’re right, that’s your dad.” And I wanted to correct her and say, “Actually, that’s my biological father” because the one thing that I did learn through all of this is Jack Osborne is my dad.
Michèle: Yeah. You can have a dad and you can have a father, but dads never change, right? So is Peter still alive?
STEVE: Peter passed when I was 18 years old. So he was gone, and Jack was gone, and in many ways, I was kind of glad about that. It definitely removed a lot of complications. When we finally had enough information, I called my Mom and I said, “I want to stop by the house.” She said, “Why? Why are you coming?” I said, “I found something that I believe belongs to you.” And so I took the pictures over and Michèle, I have to say, I was in the wrong frame of mind. I was not in a good place. I was beyond furious, beyond resentful. I told myself I was looking for answers, but I already had all the answers. I went over there looking to extract a pound of flesh. And I recommend to anyone listening to this, please don’t follow my example, because it wasn’t a good one. I showed up with the pictures in hand, and I sat down across the coffee table from her, and I started the conversation by sliding the pictures across the table and saying, “you got anything you want to tell me?” And she looked at the picture and looked at me. Her eyes got wide, and she looked at the picture, looked at me, back and forth about four or five times, and she dropped that picture like it was covid-ridden. And she says, “I-I-I don’t know who that is. Who’s that supposed to be, your father?” I said, “that’s kind of a damn strange question to ask. I show you a picture of a complete stranger and you ask me if that’s my father?” The conversation lasted 13 minutes and 20 seconds. I know because I recorded it. It did not go well. And it did not go well because I made sure that it didn’t go well. She said some things that were just uncomplimentary, and I was in full attack mode. Unfortunately, that was our last conversation. Yeah, I really screwed that up.
Michèle: How long do you think you could have waited to have that conversation go differently?
STEVE: So this is really what I want your listeners to know and understand. When you have a DNA surprise, you are set on a journey. I’ve heard that moment called the WTF day. On your WTF day, you’re at the Monopoly square GO, but unfortunately, you are instantly saddled with so many negative emotions and so much doubt and so much hurt. Not only are you hurting for the things that happened in the past, but now you look to your future and in many ways you feel lost or uncertain. That journey is a long one, and it is an arduous one. It took me a good three years to get from the point where my anger and resentment was overriding everything to a place where I am finally at complete and total peace with it all. I thought I had lost my dad, Jack. But the more I discovered, the more interactions I had with my siblings, and Jack’s wife—my stepmom, the more I realized that I had not lost him. I gained a significantly better appreciation for the man.
Michèle: So, wow. Of course, I want to run out and read your book but give me a little bit more about what you discovered.
STEVE: We don’t know for sure but there are strong indicators that he may have known and that it absolutely did not matter to him. My mom and dad divorced when I was four years old, and he spent every day the rest of his life carrying out the duties of a loving, caring father, even though my mom made life hell for him.
Michèle: It would have been easy for him to walk away.
STEVE: It would have been so easy. I believe the question of my paternity may have contributed to their divorce. But for him, that didn’t matter. I was his son, and that wasn’t going to change for him. Did he know or didn’t he know? Well, if he didn’t know, he was great dad, an absolutely fantastic man, and if he did know, to me, he’s a god.
Michèle: Did your mother tell the story of how they met or admit anything?
STEVE: Oh, no. She made comments like, well, you know, we did things fifty and sixty years ago that we never thought we’d have to explain today. But the coup de grâce and the thing that just ended the conversation for me was when she said, “I don’t know what you’re upset about. Look at your life. Everything turned out pretty well for you.” As if she didn’t understand the level of devastation she’s leveled. I’d asked multiple times, a hundred times, a thousand times to tell me what was going on, but she didn’t want to do that because she was trying to protect her own image. She knew I was searching. She knew I needed help, and she chose pride and ego over my healing.
Michèle: Yeah, familiar story.
STEVE: Very familiar. And so many NPEs, DNA surprise people—I call them DNA orphans—have mothers who just aren’t willing to unwind all that.
Michèle: So did you gain any siblings or new family?
STEVE: I didn’t. My biological father Peter didn’t have any children and people always correct me and say, well, he had one! He had two adopted children and they have no interest in connecting. I got John Watson, a great cousin out of it. We went to Canada and visited him, and we text almost every week. I didn’t get a big family out of it. I can’t say I’m disappointed by that, but that would have been a great upside. I’m really happy with what I did get. I already had 14 siblings, so quite frankly I didn’t need any more.
Michèle: That’s enough, for sure! This has been so painful, do you have any regrets? Does a part of you wish you could have kept all that locked away forever?
STEVE: No, absolutely not, I have no regrets now. When it happened, I’m not sure I would have answered the question the same way. This is what I want everyone to understand. If you’re on the journey, you need to walk the path. I’m so happy that I know the truth. I’m so happy for having walked that painful path, because I was shown so much love and so much grace from all my family members. My sister Laura, who kind of hit the trip wire, she was like, “This changes nothing between us.” My oldest sister Kathy completely embraced me. When I had to go down and tell my stepmom, she just looked at me and said, “Is that it?” And I said, “Yes, ma’am.” She said, “Oh, hell, Steve, I thought you was coming down here to tell us you and Becky’s gettin’ divorced. Your dad wouldn’t care none. He could be sitting right here; he’d tell you you’re his boy. It don’t matter.”
“Your dad wouldn’t care none. He could be sitting right here; he’d tell you you’re his boy. It don’t matter.”
Now she came up with that answer really quickly, which is one of the things that after a while I started scratching my head over. My brother picked up my DNA results and said, “So this piece of paper right here, this is supposed to tell me that you and I aren’t brothers?” I said, “Yeah, Jerry, that’s what it says.” He threw in the trash can.
Michèle: Wow. Nice symbolism there.
STEVE: He said, “There’s no piece of paper you can bring in here that will tell me that you and I aren’t brothers.” You know, your birth certificate tells you who the government says your family is, and your DNA test says who science says your family is, and neither one of those is right because it’s really your heart that tells you who your family is. Family, by my definition, is the people who love you and who are committed to you. If you share DNA, great. If you have the same last name, that’s wonderful. But neither one of those things is required. And so we use the phrase ‘family by choice’. We are no longer family by bond or by obligation. We are family by choice because we love each other and we are committed to each other. This is my last message to your listeners: If you are a DNA orphan, I know where you are. I know how bad it can be. I know how bad it can hurt, but you got to walk the path, and you have to do it with love, acceptance, forgiveness and grace. Nothing’s going to change your DNA results but that doesn’t mean anything about family. Just walk the path, accept where you are, forgive those who maybe you’re not digging right now, and just embrace it all with a good heart.
Michèle: That’s really good advice. I do have one more question about identity, and that is, apart from the book and the opportunity to help others by telling your story, which I have no doubt you are—how have you changed as a result of learning this information?
STEVE: Number one, the monachopsis is gone. I’m still different from my siblings, but we don’t care; we know why. The mystery is gone. The questions are gone. I’m validated. And because we’ve had enough time, now it’s the family joke. I’m at peace. I think I’m a little more loving. I’m definitely more forgiving. I extend grace to people, because so many people extended grace to me when I was down and vulnerable. I like to think that maybe it somehow made me a better person at the end.
Michèle: Fantastic. I have so many questions which can only be answered at this point by reading your book, so I will definitely link readers and listeners to DNA: Did Not Anticipate. It’s been a real treat, Steve. Thank you for sharing your story.
STEVE: Well, it’s been my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me on and please add my contact information in the materials, because if there’s a DNA orphan listening right now, I accept all forms of communication, and I talk to everybody I can. If you want to talk, I’m happy to talk.
Michèle: Oh, that’s amazing. Thank you, Steve.
STEVE: Thanks, Michèle. All the best.
Wasn’t that amazing? I was bowled over by Steve’s generosity. His willingness to share the full trajectory of his DNA surprise, from the most painful moments to his ultimate healing and redemption are going to help so many. He is going still further, however, by offering up his personal contact information to anyone going through a similar life-altering experience and needs to talk. You can write to Steve at: jsosborne81@gmail.com. And don’t forget to order his book, available in print and audio!
Thank you for joining Steve and me today. I hope you can feel the oodles of appreciation I am sending to you for the gift of your time!
Fascinating. Thanks for bringing us Steve's story.
That was such an interesting interview, Michèle!