About me and Who’s My Daddy?
I’m a Toronto-based writer and step adoptee. I work part-time as a labour-relations professional and also like to spend time potting in my ceramics studio. I write about family secrets, identity, and the impact of having no or little knowledge of one parent—whether because of step adoption, donor conception, misattributed parentage, abandonment, or early death.
I’ve shared my story in both print and broadcast media, including the Modern Love column in The New York Times, Salon, This American Life, and CBC’s Tapestry. In 2024, my essay “Two Dads and a Lump of Clay” was nominated by the editors of The Manifest Station for the Pushcart Prize, Best of the Net, and Best American Essays.
“I am a step adoptee.” Until 2018, I never said these words to myself. It’s not that I didn’t know my stepfather adopted me, I just didn’t think it was important. Then, in 2018, something wonderful* happened that sparked in me an unextinguishable need to know. Everything. I set out on a quest to discover all I could about my biological father. He was an opera singer (listen to this podcast for clips of his singing) and an amateur photographer (click here to see his work). In the process of digging into my father’s story, I realized for the first time how much the secrecy surrounding him, combined with my stepfather’s adoption of me, had shaped my identity.
*If you want to know the wonderful thing, I wrote about it in my Modern Love essay.
My quest lasted three years. In many respects it is still ongoing. I’ve written about the incredible event that started it all and some of what happened next in my published essays, which I hope you will check out on my website at www.micheledhaber.com.
I now have a completed, though not yet published memoir. The working title, Knowing Is Everything, reflects the transformation I went through while on my quest. When I started, I thought I’d write my father’s story as a straightforward account of a life uncovered through research and diligence. What I didn’t expect was my own transformation. While filling in the details of my father’s life, I realized I was also writing my own story. As my favourite adoption educator and psychologist Michael Grand would say, I had been missing Chapter One of my life. (You can listen to Michael Grand here.) I was introduced to Michael Grand by my friend Suzy Rosenstein, who runs a fantastic podcast called Women in the Middle. Both Michael and Suzy gave me extraordinary encouragement and I am honoured to have them as friends.
Why did I start the Who’s My Daddy? Substack?
My Chapter One will never be accurate or complete, but what I’ve learned has fulfilled me in ways I never expected. The quest I embarked on in 2018 allowed me to claim my history and understand the importance of knowing my biological origins. My aim in the Who’s My Daddy? Substack is to talk to others who have also grown up without knowing and having no or little knowledge of one of their birth parents. And, well, let’s face it—these missing parents are likely to be fathers, hence the “Daddy” in my title. I’m interested in talking with anyone who has discovered information about a previously unknown parent (or even met them!) as an adult. All of us benefit from sharing our stories, and it makes each of us feel less alone. Also, for those who have such a gap in their personal narratives, I hope to convince them that it’s worthwhile to try to find out more. Because everyone has the right to know their origins.
I really hope you enjoy Who’s My Daddy? I welcome your feedback by direct message any time!
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All content on Who’s My Daddy? is free. My only request is that you join the conversation and be part of a community of people who share your interests. Participate in the comments section to help me grow this community.
